Monday was the day I got so overwhelmed by my child’s relentless crying that I put him down in a safe place in his bed and left him to cry while I went and had a shower (which I cried all the way through).
The time out brought me release to go back and try again, and although I was reduced to tears as I sat in the dark and rocked my baby to sleep on a yoga ball I got through it, by the skin of my teeth I got through it.
I am in true survival mode at the moment on the days when my husband goes to work over an hour away and whilst I know that there are support Calvary that will come if I call, I didn’t really know what I need with that. My body is so tired, I worry about how it is constantly filled with adrenaline and stress hormones and what that is doing to my health in the long run and whether my diseased thyroid will be able to keep up.
But the train of life keeps barreling through and I must keep being challenged because my husband has to return to work on site on a more regular basis rather than working from home so much, which means this isn’t the level of adrenaline at its highest, I will have more days of this, more days of finding a way to cope and challenging my body with stress hormones.
I wonder when I will reach the stress peak and the little patches of restorative times will occur?
I know it doesn’t help that on his work days the majority of what I consume is coffee, but this is because I’m so tired & mostly too anxious to eat on those days.
I keep expecting to feel better, and if I jumped back to 8 weeks ago I can tell I certainly feel a lot better, but day to day the improvement is so slow which is frustrating.
This is a downer post but I just needed to get these Lamentations out there.