All I could think about for five years was the day I got a positive pregnancy test.
The day I got the positive I convinced myself that it was wrong.
Then when I finally believed it I became consumed by fear about losing this precious baby that was so hard to get.
I didn’t really get to a point where I believed I would have a baby until the 20 week mark which is when we started to work on the nursery and get prepared.
At this point I was consumed by fear of death of my baby that I had had time to bond with, to feel, to dream about specifically.
Once baby was here I was overwhelmed by everything, the first 6 weeks were consumed by breastfeeding issues and after that the next 6 weeks were consumed by an all encompassing postnatal anxiety that could not be squashed.
What I’m learning is that I need to learn to cherish today rather than live for a better tomorrow because tomorrow may be different but just as tough.
So the big question is how the heck do I do this?