I’ve heard others say ‘everyone stops doing x y z when they have kids, I’ll never do that’. Here are my points about how annoying that is to hear, written on a particularly cynical day:
A) Great, your life is yours to live so make choices and do what you need to do …but why the judgment on others for making their own choices too? Your being smug and judgey like you think you will be better at something you haven’t even tried yet.
B) Why the arrogance with the judgement? We each get to live our lives, but ewww arrogance is a bit over the top… you haven’t even had the baby yet, just cool your farm with the whole thing and just chill for a bit and enjoy that beautiful sleep you still get atm.
C) I hope it’s as easy and straightforward and drama free as you assume it’s gonna be, I really do. But please take a second to think about how things might be if the birth plan, breastfeeding, postpartum period are less than straight forward, you may not be able to manage it all the way you expect, and the hormones oh the hormones make everything so intense. So maybe just give yourself wiggle room so that if you are just not up to that ‘x y z’ stuff then you can change things up as you need to without feeling like you’ve failed, there’s no failure whichever way forward, there is just a new life season to blossom.
D) I ask well why wouldn’t we want a baby to change things up? It changes everything, the sheer makeup of my family unit is changed, the stuff I take out places is different, the things I prioritise are different, my thought processes are different, the things I value are different. Everything IS different, it’s awesomely blessed with a bundle of energy and slobber type different. I don’t want to stop talking about my baby, I don’t want to stop looking at my baby or hanging out with my baby, he is THE best most funniest part of my life and he is my priority. For me everything has changed and will forever be changed, and in years to come I may return to more of what I used to do but for now I’m loving this new life because it’s the best (if not the hardest) thing I’ll ever get to do. I’m immensely proud of myself for somehow growing this life and I don’t want to minimise him in my everyday, I miss him when he sleeps, I want to play, I don’t want to miss a thing. So for me this new life which has been crazy and hard (see lots of other posts about my crazy anxiety) and you will understand that I don’t get the smug arrogance of people saying a baby won’t change what they do for x y z, because I can’t imagine doing anything without him right now, I wholly and fully accept this season in all of its amazing glory. I know we are all different and for me I never had an amazing career or what not that might drive me and so for some mums they need to get back to that and that’s the best for them which is great because they know what they need. For me I just am enjoying the little man because he won’t be little for long.
E) I feel like this post sounds a bit judgey on the judgey people… maybe I’m judging you for being so judgey? Soz about that, truly let’s all just live and let live, none of us are better or worse, we are all just doing our thing. So maybe I’ll try to reframe the way I see you as driven, passionate idealists. We need idealists in this world to raise the hope of reality above what the rest of us can’t imagine to muster. So go you! Reach for the stars and prove me wrong on my cynical soap box